Question: I assume that you favour a highly structured curriculum that emphasizes the memorization of specific facts, which I consider to be a very low level of learning. We need to teach concepts to our kids and help them learn how to think - not just fill their heads with a bunch of details.

Dr. Dobson: I agree that we want to teach concepts to students, but that does not occur in a vacuum. For example, we would like them to understand the concept of the solar system and how the planets are positioned in rotation around the sun. How is that done? One way is for them to learn the distances between the heavenly bodies; i.e., the sun is 93 million miles from Earth, but the moon is only 240,000. The concept of relative positions is then understood from the factual information.

What I'm saying is that an understanding of the right factual information can and should lead to conceptual learning.

Question: Our children are all on their own now and my husband and I are free to do some of the travelling we have always planned to do when we got them through college. But lately I feel too tired even to keep the house clean, and too depressed to care about planning or doing anything extra.

I'm only 46, yet some days I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I just want to put my head under the pillow and cry - for no reason at all. So why do I feel so terrible? My husband is trying to be patient, but this morning he growled, "You have everything a woman could want ... What do you have to be blue about?" Do you think I could be losing my mind?

Dr. Dobson: I doubt that there is anything wrong with your mind. The symptoms you describe sound as if you may be entering menopause, and if so, your discomfort may be caused by the hormonal imbalance that accompanies glandular upheaval. I suggest that you make an appointment to see a gynecologist or other physician. He or she can help you.

Question: I've talked and talked to my husband about how I'm different from him and how I need him to be sensitive to my needs. Somehow, he just doesn't "hear" it. I've also gotten mad at him about a hundred times. How can I get my feelings across to him?

Dr. Dobson: One very effective way to express your feelings is to paint a word picture.

My good friends Gary Smalley and Dr. John Trent described this technique in their book, The Language of Love. In it, Gary told a story about his wife who was very frustrated with him. Gary would come home from work and clam up. He had nothing to say all evening. Finally, Norma told him a story about a man who went to breakfast with some friends. He ate a big meal and then he gathered up some crumbs and put them in a bag. Then he went to lunch with some business associates and ate a big steak. Again, he put a few crumbs in a doggie bag to take with him. Then when he came home that night, he handed his wife the little bag of leftovers.

"That's what you are doing to me," said Norma. "All day, the children and I wait to talk to you when you get home. But you don't share yourself with us. After being gone all day, you hand us a doggie bag and turn on the television set."

Gary said hearing that story was like being hit with a two-by-four. He apologized and began opening himself to his wife and family. Try creating a graphic word picture to communicate your needs to your husband. It is far more effective at getting masculine attention than a torrent of hostile comments.

Send your comments to Dr. Dobson c/o Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, Colo., 80903. These questions and answers are excerpted from books authored by Dr. James Dobson and published by Tyndale House Publishers. Dr. Dobson is the president of Focus on the Family, a non-profit organization dedicated to the preservation of the home. Copyright 1998 James Dobson, Inc. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.