Family is key to social intergration

Here are some definitions of the family from Church documents. The Vatican Council defines the family as follows: The Creator of all made the married state the beginning and foundation of human society. The mission of being the primary cell of society has been given to the family by God Himself. He said to Adam and Eve, ‘Increase and multiply and fill the earth’.” And the New Catechism of the Catholic Church defines the family in these words: “The family is the original cell of social life. It is the natural sphere in which husband and wife are called to give themselves in love and in the gift of life. The family is a community in which from childhood, one can learn the moral values, begin to honor God and make good use of freedom. Family life is an initiation into life in society.

This all sounds great and inspiring. But is it accepted by contemporary society? Here are some quotes from radical feminist - who have tremendous power with the media and with politicians:

Marriage under attack

1. “Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the Women’s Movement must concentrate on attacking this institution. Freedom for woman cannot be won without the abolition of marriage.” (Radical feminist Sheila Cronin of the U.S.) And here is a quote from the Declaration of Feminism, November 1971:- “Marriage has existed for the benefit of men. It has been a legally sanctioned method of control over women. The end of the institution of marriage is a necessary condition for the liberation of women. Therefore, it is important to encourage women to leave their husbands and not live individually with men. All history must be re-written in terms of the oppression of women. We must get back to the ancient female religions like witchcraft.”

Gloria Steinam said, “By the year 2,000 we will, I hope, raise our children to believe in the human potential and not in God.’

A book by Father William Slaney, entitled, “Viewpoint,” says, “The family is coming apart at the seams. There are as many divorces as there are marriages.”

Now, is the family really important or have all the ones who have written about it during the centuries been misguided in their views? I decided to give quotes, not from popes or bishops, but from secular experts, who are looking at the family from the social point of view rather than the religious.

Dr. Wilder Penfield, former president of the Vanier Institute, asks the question, “Is the family important?” He answers his own question thus, “There never has been and there never will be a durable society based on any other system than the union of man, woman and child and on fidelity to that union. Should the family fail, society and civilization are doomed.” A Dr. Ross Campbell has written a book entitled, “How To Really Love Your Children.” He says that parents often think that no matter how much they do, they are failures because the children are under so many other influences such as, the church, school, peer groups, neighbors kids, etc. Dr. Campbell says, “Despite all the distractions, the home has the greatest overall influence in determining the character of the child.”

So let’s look at the family as it really is.

1. The family is an institution, founded by God, with order, pattern and relationship. Marriage is not just a contract. It is covenant based on love. We make a contract when buying a house or a car or a horse. But there is not usually much love in it. But marriage is a loving agreement between a man and a woman to live together, to raise a family if that is God’s Will, and to grow in love with each other till death do they part.

2. The family is a community - a unified body of individuals. Christ told us that husband and wife become one flesh. And the children are very much part of that community. The Christian family is meant to be Christ centred. The members are “inter-dependent,” which is the opposite of “independent.” This makes “the home” very different from people living in an apartment or a boarding house. They can live their own lives independently from the other, who “occupy” the building.

In the family the members have different roles to play. Men, in general, are physically stronger than women and more suited to enter the battle of life in the world. The man is more competitive and more suited to be the bread winner and protector of the family. The woman is, obviously, more suited to bear children and to raise them, especially during their very early years. so, parents have different but complementary roles to play in the bringing up of their children.

The vocation of parents is to educate their children. The word “education” comes from the Latin “educare” which means to “lead out” or to develop the potentialities which are as yet dormant in the child. To educate does not simply mean to fill them with knowledge, but to develop their characters.

Discipline should be firm but loving. Parents should demand and expect obedience from their children. Needless to say, children should be treated differently at different ages but, as in every community, authority should be respected and, if necessary, imposed.

Of course, “things have changed since I was a boy.” In an article which I read recently, the following statement was made: “Years ago, when raising children, parents often taught strict obedience, the ‘Do as I say’ method of parenting, and don’t ask any questions. This worked fairly well then, but, let’s face it, today is a different world and children need more skills to operate and to solve their own problems. I am not sure that I fully agree with this statement. No doubt things have changed, but discipline is still and always will be a very important factor in the raising of children - and for their own good.

Authority of love

Oh boy! I think I shall ask St. Paul to take over at this point. In I Corinthians II, he says, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ; the head of every woman is her husband.” In Colossians 3:18, he writes, “Wives be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children obey your parents for this pleases the Lord.” In another place he says husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for Her. And he continues: “Husbands should love their wives even as their own bodies.” So, it is not a dictatorship but an authority of love.

Even though St. Joseph was by far the least holy member of the Family of Nazareth, it was to him the angel gave the instructions to take the Child and His Mother and flee into Egypt. The key word is “LOVE.” In general a marriage is not a 50/50 deal but a 100 per cent giving on both sides.