Here's a toast to the Future

I had a dream recently where I bought all three of the big Toronto dailies along with the Southam and Thomson Press. (Conrad Black let me have the whole caboodle for $25 down. It's my dream, remember). I also became the Overall Managing Editor (OME).

As the OME I determine what appears and where it appears in all newspapers - how many lines and how much space the pictures take up. (George, we don't have any room for Morgentaler's obit. Run it next month, if we have space).

All of the newspapers after I took over carried a front-page picture of Jim Hughes' recent Annual Barbecue for Pro-Lifers at his home in the Toronto Beach. (I thought it was as newsworthy as another Clinton White House scandal).

Father Ted's column took up all of highly valued page three. Father Ted, overcome with humility, objected to the big play that he was getting in the paper. As the OME, I told him to stop complaining or his column was going to end up on the front page of all three Toronto papers.

And I also warned reporters that anyone who used the word 'abortion' in a story instead of 'killing an unborn child' would be sent to Baffin Island to study Arctic culture for the next 10 years.

Instead of using the word "gay" - staff (acknowledging the old adage whoever has the gold makes the rule) enthusiastically started to use "homosexual" and "lesbian." The words "unborn baby" replaced "fetus", and instead of defending a woman's right to "reproductive choice" because it should be a woman's decision, reporters and columnists were quick to realize what it was: "killing an unborn baby."

Well informed reporters were also able to correct The Toronto Star's recent one-sided feature article which attempted to sanitize RU-486, the pill that killed babies in the womb.

Apropos this when Dr. Etienne-Emile Baulieu, the inventor of the killer pill arrived in Toronto a few years back, brought in by the Canadian Abortion Rights Action League (CARAL) to speak at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education, a fuzzy local think tank, he was greeted by a eight-foot tall sinister costumed Dr. Death. Dr. Death led a black cloth draped coffin along Bloor Street carried by a group of pall bearers dressed as hooded monks (I was one of them).

Attendance inside the auditorium for Baulieu's talk was so poor that they had to take up an additional collection to cover their costs. Poor Dr. Baulieu was shocked at his poor reception. His debacle was good fodder for TV and a solid victory for the pro-life cause. Up to then Baulieu had been angling - it was rumoured - for a Nobel Prize for Medicine!

Roussel-Uclaf, the makers of the killer pill, a French pharmaceutical company, is now part of Hoechst Marion Roussel, a German-based pharmaceutical plant. The original Hoechst A.G., sprang from I.G. Farben who manufactured the zyclon-B and later the much deadlier cyclos-B gas for use in Nazi death camps. Hoechst have tried to distance themselves from the killer pill because they were afraid that pro-lifers would carry out their threat to draw widespread attention to its gruesome history, setting off a massive boycott of all its products.

Wolfgang Hilger, the Hoechst president is personally opposed to abortion and couldn't even stomach speaking to Baulieu. However Wolfgang's firm is still manufacturing the killer pill until they can line up another manufacturer. It sounds like the old 'I'm personally against abortion but ...' Hoechst's Montreal head office in Canada said they are not interested in marketing the killer pill here. (Maybe the market's too small). I've assigned 20 of our best writers for a feature: 'Hoechst: Cyclon-B Yesterday - The Killer Pill Today.'

Reporters now push 'chastity' in schools! They write frequently that Planned Parenthood's introduction of their safe-sex ideology into the schools have led to skyrocketing numbers of unwed pregnancy and abortions. Chastity, they point out, has never had a 'contraceptive failure.'

And terms like 'mercy killing' and 'dying with dignity' were replaced with 'kill seniors to save taxpayers' money.' Media personnel have been alerted to all kinds of unsatisfactory and ridiculous pro-abort buzzwords and were urged to get them out of their vocabulary.